PENCE: Sir, Chief of Staff John Kelly is here.
PENCE: He’s the successor to Reince Priebus.
TRUMP: Rank Fetus?
PENCE: Reince Priebus.
PENCE: Reince Priebus.
TRUMP: Rinsed Prius?
PENCE: …*sigh*. Yes. The new guy who replaced the old guy is here and wants to talk to you.
TRUMP: Sure. Bring him in.
KELLY: Mr. President, I-
TRUMP: Hold it. You. Tell me the name of the guy who replaced you.
KELLY: …riiight. Mr. President, permission to segue.
KELLY: It means move on to a new topic.
TRUMP: Knew that. Go ahead and move on.
KELLY: With all due respect sir, what the hell were you thinking?
TRUMP: Well, I figured if Jake the Snake Roberts had to fight Ricky the Dragon Steamboat for the Intercontinental-
KELLY: I meant at the UN yesterday.
TRUMP: What about it?
KELLY: You threatened. Complete. Destruction. Of North Korea.
TRUMP: Uggghhhh. You. Don’t be one of those people. Saying a sentence but adding a bunch of periods to pretend your emphasizing something but all you’re really doing is emphasizing what a total choad you are. Economical grammar!
KELLY: Sir, how the hell can you stand in front of, well, THE WORLD and threaten to obliterate a country that is developing nuclear weapons?
TRUMP: Benny Yahoo loved it.
KELLY: Sir, Israeli Prime Minister Netanyahu is paid by us to love you!
TRUMP: Don’t care who signs the checks. A good tweet is a good tweet. Not as good as Trump tweet. Trump tweet best tweet. So good. Tremendous. Believe me.
KELLY: I don’t know how I’m going to smooth things over.
TRUMP: Ranch Peels would know what to do.
KELLY: Sir, Mr. Priebus is not here anymore!
TRUMP: Uggghhh FINE. Next time I do totally the right thing and you disagree, just stand up after me and say “That’s our Trump!” do the loony finger circle hand gesture and walk off.
KELLY: I…I can do that?
TRUMP: Sure if you don’t mind ending up in bunker 337 in Prague.
TRUMP: The one with the goats.
KELLY: …noted sir. Unquestioning servitude it is.
PENCE: Mr. President, Elton John is on line 5, something about calling Kim Jong-un “Rocket Man”. He’s not happy.
TRUMP: HE’S not happy? What about all the libs calling me an American Idiot? Did they get clearance from Green Day? Pop punk hypocrisy!
PENCE: Somehow I think Green Day would be ok with that.
TRUMP: Elton. You. Listen. Only need Rocket Man for a few more weeks. Why? Well, let’s just say Benny and the Jets are going to be touring a certain country pretty soon. No? What about Candle in the Wind? Get it? It’s like a giant candle, flying through the air, and…ok. Look Elton don’t go breaking my heart here.
PENCE: I guess that’s why they call it the blues.
KELLY: Dear Lord, please don’t let the sun go down on me.