9/22/2017 – Dotard

PENCE: Mr. President, I have bad news and good news. 

TRUMP: You. Already a failure. Supposed to say good news and bad news. Can’t even grammar good. Ungood talking!

PENCE: I’m just going to ignore the irony of that sir and plug ahead. The bad news is that Kim Jong Un-

TRUMP: Who? 

PENCE: Kim Jong Un. 




PENCE: *Sigh*…Rocket Man. 

TRUMP: Continue. 

PENCE: Well Kim-I mean-Rocket Man continues to seek international support against your aggressive sanctions. And, well, he’s basically threatening a nuclear strike on the US. 

TRUMP: What did he say? 

PENCE: He…uh…and keep in mind these are his words sir…he said he will “tame the mentally deranged US dotard with fire.”




PENCE: Dotard means mentally disabled and slow due to age sir. 

TRUMP: Already knew that. Such an idiot. Rocket Man doesn’t even realize you’re not in charge. Awful intel! 

PENCE: Well…regardless sir, he’s still seeking help from China and other nations that-

TRUMP: Who’s going to align with a madman who threatens a nuclear holocaust? That reminds me, did you see my speech at the UN?

PENCE: The one where you threatened to totally destroy North Korea? 

TRUMP: Boom. But a real boom if Rocket Man wants to walk the talk. 

PENCE: Mr. President, forgive my ignorance-

TRUMP: Try to. Every day. Really dififcult. Believe me.

PENCE: -but…how is your speech and, uh, Rocket Man’s speech any different? 

TRUMP: Easy. Trump destruction. Like regular destruction but so much classier. So good. Just the best. Trump apocalypse best apocalypse. Believe me. 

PENCE: Sir…I’m concerned. 

TRUMP: You should be. Just look at your hair. Awful. Like a snowflake came to life and decided to have a midlife crisis. Like Vanilla flavored vanilla. Honkey squared!

PENCE: I meant your speech. I’m concerned what other nations may think.

TRUMP: Relax cream puff head. Sanctions. So good. Banning everything in North Korea. Rocket Man can threaten fire all he wants. Even fire banned by sanction. Man’s lucky that threats aren’t sanctioned. That’s all he has, and our threats are better anyway. Favorable balance of trade!

PENCE: I…I guess.

TRUMP: So what’s the good news?

PENCE: Well the new GOP healthcare bill isn’t going to pass.

TRUMP: Ugghhh. That’s not good news Pence.

PENCE: But Rocket Man said he’s happy to support it.

TRUMP: Good man that Rocket Man. So good. Kim Jong Good. Trusted ally!

PENCE: Well he added that if he helps get that bill passed it would probably cause more damage than a nuke anyway. 

TRUMP: Hey, whatever it takes. 

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