TRUMP: Big news! HUUUUUUUUGE. The best! Tremendous!
PENCE: …congratulations sir?
TRUMP: Uggghhh. You. Don’t congratulate Trump. Trump wins bigly every minute doing everything all the time. Trump success best success. All people would do is congratulate me for being me. Can totally understand, but nothing would get done. Endless justified accolades!
DeVOS: Mr. President, what happened?
PENCE: Is it the Dow? Is it breaking another record?
TRUMP: No. Dow keeps increasing. Shouldn’t even call it Dow. Sounds like Down. But Dow is undown. Should rename it Up. Accurate!
DeVOS: Makes sense to me, sir!
PENCE: Did your health care bill get passed?
TRUMP: Of course not. GOP wimps gave up. New health care bill, total failure. But not my failure because not my bill. Unless it gets passed. Then Trumpcare huge success. Applicable glory!
DeVOS: Is the wall getting built?
TRUMP: Wall already getting built. Planning it as we speak. In my brain. Wall plans, so good. Not real wall, but Trump brain wall so effective. Keeping out mental Mexicans. Effective!
PENCE: You have a wall in your brain.
PENCE: This explains a lot.
DeVOS: Mr. President, what is it then that’s making you so happy?
TRUMP: Two things. One: being Trump. Best reason to be happy. Trump existence best existence. So good. Just tremendous. Classy. HUGE. Just the best. Believe me.
PENCE: And the other?
TRUMP: Twitter is considering 280 character tweets.
TRUMP: So good.
PENCE: Why is-
DeVOS: I don’t-
TRUMP: Trump tweets twice as long. People can enjoy more Trump. Didn’t think it was possible for the people to enjoy more Trump but miracles happen. People benefit!
TRUMP: Imagine. Twice as much Trump. Any time. All the time.
DeVOS: Yes Michael?
PENCE: Call me an ambulance.
TRUMP: First new big Tweet. Provoke North Korea and Russia at the same time. So many possibilities. Trump unleashed!
PENCE: Call me two ambulances.