10/20/2017 – Crazy Train

TRUMP: Uggghhh.

PENCE: Something bothering you sir? 

TRUMP: Other than the very concept of you, yes. Still can’t believe I’m catching heat from Representative Wilson.  Put General Kelley up there. Talked about losing his soldier kid. Can totally relate. Once Donald Junior didn’t tweet me back for 15 minutes. Turns out he was using the bathroom. Nervous parent!

PENCE: Yes, sir. I’m certain the experiences line up exactly. 

TRUMP: Don’t even know what this Rep Wilson looks like. 

PENCE: Well, I can just turn on the TV sir, ah. There she is. 



TRUMP: She’s…

PENCE: Black sir. Yes. 

TRUMP: Ugh. Listen to you. As if I care about there. Everyone’s black compared to you and that solar panel skin. Not shocked by that. 

PENCE: Well then what is it sir? 

TRUMP: She’s a cowboy. 

PENCE: Not exactly sir. 

TRUMP: I thought I had Texas in the bag. 

PENCE: She’s actually from Florida sir. She just likes wearing those cowboy hats. 

TRUMP: Uggghhh. Listen to you. Burying the lede. Why didn’t you tell me that? All makes sense now? 

PENCE: What makes sense, sir? Because just looking around here, I can’t believe any of this makes any-

TRUMP: She’s from Florida. Craziest state ever. Filled with the Seal Team Six of lunatics and nut jobs. Like if Guy Fieri was a king and Florida was his domain. 

PENCE: Understood sir. 

TRUMP: Like if a genie gave Steve-O three wishes and all three of his wishes were to mess up Florida. 

PENCE: I…get the analogy sir. 

TRUMP: It’s like Catelyn Jenner had a magic wand and-

PENCE: SO Mr. President, shall I get the PR department? I’m sure we can use the military experience to leverage credibility for General Kelley in his support of your-

TRUMP: Boom. Done. 


TRUMP: Trump response. Amazing. 

PENCE: What…did you do? Actually let me rephrase. What did you tweet? 

TRUMP: Tweeted tweet. It says Representative Wilson is from Florida. We know that means. Wears cowboy hats, not in Texas. Crazy Train!

PENCE: I…can’t believe it. All the responses agree with you. Even the Antifa folks here. 

TRUMP: Power of crazy Florida. Greater than Power of crazy Antifa. No competition! Florida. Worships a giant talking mouse. Biological abomination!

PENCE: Apparently I can’t disagree. 

TRUMP: Then again Antifa worships Hillary and Bernie, so Florida may have to up its crazy game. 

PENCE: Sir, Ozzie Osbourne just replied to your tweet something about a lawsuit for quoting Crazy Train. 

TRUMP: Uggghhhh. You. See if he’s touring in Florida. Can use insanity plea. Sharon! 

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