TILLERSON: Welcome to China, Mr. President.
TRUMP: Fantastic. China. Love their fire drills. So efficient, believe me.
TILLERSON: I know what I say next will have absolutely no impact or influence over your decision making, but when you meet President Xi Jinping, please try not to offend him.
TRUMP: Come on. It’s me.
TRUMP: Who’s the yellow guy?
TRUMP: Are you sure we’re still not in Japan? These Asians all look alike. Like God said “I’m tired, you guys figure it out” and he just went to the Xerox machine. And he had too much yellow toner. Leftover resources!
TILLERSON: I don’t know how you could possibly damage the Sino-American diplomatic relationship any-
TRUMP: Ok Ping. Sounds like a sound effect on Batman. Pow! Whap! Ping! Anyhoo. You. Need to tell Kim Jung-Un to stop with the missile threats or we’re turning North Korea into Nuclear Wasteland Korea. You Chinks probably speak the Gook language so you can relate. Rosetta stone!
TILLERSON: OH MY GOD.
TRUMP: Not God, but Trump. Just as good.
TILLERSON: President Jinping please accept my heartfelt apologies and deepest regret.
TRUMP: You. Substitute Pence. What’s the Chinese guy saying? My beef with broccoli order?
TILLERSON: I don’t know but hopefully it’s not the nuclear launch codes.
TRUMP: Ok. Issue two. When are you getting me the phone number to Michelle Yeoh? Lucy Liu could work in a pinch. All Asians like clones so it doesn’t matter. Your women. Good looking but not great looking like normal American women. Solid 8. Would date!
TILLERSON: If you’ll excuse me Mr. President, I need to call the Joint Chiefs and letting them know we’re going to DefCon 4.
TRUMP: And where’s my dry cleaning?
TILLERSON: Make that 3.