TRUMP: Need a new response. That insult won’t stand. This guy. So awful.
PENCE: Of course sir.
DeVOS: What’s going on, Michael?
TRUMP: This guy. Very stupid. So ungrateful. Selfish!
PENCE: Oh it’s the President. He has a new enemy.
DeVOS: Who is it? North Korea? Iran? Wait, not Putin?!?
PENCE: LaVar Ball.
TRUMP: You. Told you not to use that name. Use new name.
PENCE: *Sigh* Loser Ball.
DeVOS: Who is Lav-
PENCE: LOSER Ball is this egotistical father of this rookie basketball player called Lonzo Ball. He’s an average player but the father is pushing him for maximum publicity to the point where even the Kardashians would be embarrassed.
DeVOS: Why are they fighting?
PENCE: Mr. Ball’s other son traveled to China with the UCLA basketball team and got in trouble shoplifting. The president negotiated their release and he’s angry that Mr. Ball didn’t thank the President immediately. Instead Mr. Ball responded with insults on TV.
TRUMP: Loser Ball. Just the worst. If there’s one thing I can’t stand it’s an egotistical guy who has to brag about his kids and use them to be the center of attention at all times.
PENCE: Oh, nothing, sir. It’s just that-
DeVOS: You were mentioning something about Twitter.
TRUMP: Need a good response.
PENCE: Loser Ball just tweeted sir. He said, um, “What up wit dis so called Prez. He not my boy. Obama 4 life cuz!” And then there’s a bunch of emojis and the hashtag black lives matter.
TRUMP: Uggghhhh. Tweeting back now.
DeVOS: Isn’t there an important bill, or an international crisis that-
TRUMP: Here we go. Just tweeted. “Loser Ball. Just the worst. Not in Trump league. Trump league best league, believe me. Lonzo plays in NBA. Trump plays in WNBA. Winning Now Best…Always…League. Tremendous. Just the best. So good. WNBA champ!”
PENCE: Mr. President, the WNBA is an actual league.
DeVOS: It’s the Women’s National Basketball Association.
PENCE: So you…just tweeted that…you play women’s basketball.
TRUMP: You. Almost funny. Had me going. Everyone knows women don’t play basketball. Athletic inferiors!
PENCE: Sir, I don’t-
DeVOS: Of course. You’re absolutely right, sir!
PENCE: Why are you letting-
DeVOS: It’ll just take less energy.
TRUMP: Loser. Not you, loser. Loser Ball loser. Just replied to my tweet.
DeVOS: What did he say?
TRUMP: “President be like I’m mister THANG! He thinkin he such a BALLA but Trumpidope don’t sweat my JOCK he no playa he just straight up TRIPPIN yo!”
TRUMP: Hashtag black lives matter.
PENCE: I’ve got nothing.
DeVOS: No idea.
TRUMP: Loser Ball. Scary stupid. Just the worst. Grammatically challenged!
PENCE: Coming from you, sir, that’s saying a lot.
TRUMP: Boom. Exactly.
DeVOS: You’re awful, Michael.
TRUMP: Agree on that Betsy. Pence. Bottom of barrel, only slightly above Loser Ball!
PENCE: Around these parts, that’s a compliment.