1/3/2018 – Buttons

PENCE: Uh oh. 

DeVOS: What’s wrong Michael? 

PENCE: The President is smiling. His Twitter smile. This can’t be good. 

DeVOS: Oh come on. I’m certain it’s not that bad. What could-

TRUMP: Boom. Just dropped best Tweet ever. 

PENCE: What did you do sir? Should I alert the Joint Chiefs? 

TRUMP: Just responded to Rocket Man. Bragging about how his nuclear button is always within easy reach. 

DeVOS: Uh oh.

TRUMP: Let him know I have a button too. HUUUUUUUUUUUGE. Much bigger than his. More powerful. Manly!

PENCE: Our Father who art in Heaven-

DeVOS: Well at least he didn’t launch any-

TRUMP: Put tiny button Rocket Man in his place. Let him know sometimes I just take my massive button out to admire it. Just drop it right here on the table. This button. So heavy. Strong and powerful. Just the best. Believe me. Masculinity personified! 

PENCE: Mr. President, if I could ask one simple question…and I must stress that I need to know this to determine if my wife and I will be vacationing in a bunker…you didn’t, you know, PRESS your button, did you?

TRUMP: Of course not. Pushing button. Here? In the Oval Office? Completely gross. Inappropriate! Even if  I wanted to, would lead to big mess. Clean up would take forever. Sticky situation!

DeVOS: I find large buttons quite impressive!

TRUMP: Trump button. Just the best. Has lots of girth too. Girthy, thick, manly button. Rocket man’s button. So small. Just like all the other Asian buttons. Explains the squinting!



TRUMP: Good thing African nations don’t have nukes because their buttons would be enorm-


DeVOS: I always thought it’s not the size of the button but how you press it that matters. 

PENCE: That might be true.

TRUMP: Spoken like a true tiny button guy. Obvious shortcomings!

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