TRUMP: Just had annual checkup. Doctors. Smart but not Trump smart. If they were Trump smart wouldn’t need to practice medicine. Would have it down already.
PENCE: I…don’t think that’s how physicians care for-
TRUMP: Doctor Trump. Cure all diseases. Make Mexico pay for it. Especially Spanish Flu. Biological warfare!
PENCE: So what did the doctor say, sir?
TRUMP: Perfect health. Best health money can buy. And Trump really rich, so really healthy, believe me.
TRUMP: What’s that?
PENCE: I mean…it’s a…damn shame he didn’t also do a cognitive analysis to demonstrate your mental fitness, sir.
TRUMP: What, the brain test? Did that. Round hole. Round peg. Done. Perfect score! Trump brains, so healthy. Like Einstein, if Einstein was smart like me. So good, just the best. Billionaire brainiac!
PENCE: So it’s all good news then.
TRUMP: One minor thing. Said I need to lose weight. Could lose a pound or two. Can’t do. Unpossible!
PENCE: Why is it unposs…er…impossible, sir?
TRUMP: Trump never loses at anything. Not even weight. Tragic winner! Such a burden.
PENCE: Well how much did he say you weigh?
PENCE: And… both feet were-
TRUMP: I need a new ambassador in Siberia.
PENCE: ANYWAY, you know Mr. President, if you…donated…some of your, um, unneeded weight to charity…your pockets would have extra room for more money…
TRUMP: This guy. Pence. So smart. Not Trump smart, obviously, because come on that’s unpossible for anyone not Trump. But still. Brainy suggestion. Should get brain test!
PENCE: Why thank you sir! I-
TRUMP: Don’t let it go to your albino scalp, Pence. If the doc did your physical you’d test positive for chronic brown nose disease. Terminal sycophant!
PENCE: That disease has a definitive end date in about 7 years. Maybe even 3.
TRUMP: And then you’ll still suffer from moderate to severe Pence. Terminal disorder. Ask your doctor if melanin is right for you.