1/24/2018 – Dockers

PENCE: Mr. President, Senator Chuck Schumer is here to address the government shutdown.

TRUMP: Boom. 

PENCE: He’s…not alone. 

TRUMP: Cameras? How many? 

PENCE: It looks like all of them. 

TRUMP: Uggghhh. If there’s one thing I can’t stand it’s a diva who needs to be the center of attention on TV all of the time. 

PENCE:

TRUMP:

PENCE:

TRUMP: What? 

PENCE: Oh, uh, nothing. I’ll just go get him-

SCHUMER: *Camera one, on Schumer, dramatic entry music, role intro credits* No need, Vice President Pence *tight shot, camera 2, panorama shot* Senator Chuck Schumer is already here *Lower third, run Chuck Schumer under profile, Camera three on Trump, unfiltered*

TRUMP: You. Chuck. Never met a camera he didn’t like. Can respect. But Trump only needs one camera. The winning shot. You. Schumer. All angles of failure. Loser cinematography!

SCHUMER: Not this time, Mr. President! *pan up, pan up* The government is going to stay shut down until you agree to support DACA. Feel the power of the Democratic party!  *Drone aerial shot, edit out Pence, cue dramatic confrontation music*

TRUMP: Nope. Not budging on DACA. Can’t support useless beige slacks. 

PENCE: Those are Dockers, sir. I believe the GAP-

TRUMP: Shut up Pence. 

PENCE: Shutting up sir. 

SCHUMER: *Cue laugh track*

TRUMP: So what’s it going to be Schumer? 

SCHUMER: *Camera one, on me, on me* Well, Mr. President, if you won’t support DACA *Camera one pull in*…I guess we have no choice *camera one, tight shot*…but to head towards…a government shutdown! *Cue dramatic score*

TRUMP: You. Shutting down the entire government. Military. Not getting paid. Thousands of US employees losing money. HUUUGE number of services disrupted because you want to keep some illegal browns here to make Democratic baby voters.

SCHUMER: Correct, Mr. President, and we’re blaming you and we’re not backing down until you agree to our terms! *Cue Schumer heroic theme song*

TRUMP:

SCHUMER: 

TRUMP:

SCHUMER: 

TRUMP:

SCHUMER: 

TRUMP: No.

SCHUMER: Ok you win. *Cue fail horn*

TRUMP: You. So wishy washy. Make Pence look like he has a spine.

PENCE: Thank you sir! 

TRUMP: Shut up Pence. 

SCHUMER: *Drone shot, long distance shot, edit out my flop sweat* Can we at least blame you?

TRUMP: No. 

SCHUMER: Wow, you’re a tough negotiator. It’s like arguing with Jello!

TRUMP: Boom. Makes sense. Just gave me an idea. Need photo op with Jello guy Bill Cosby. Universally loved comedian. Great PR move!

PENCE: Actually sir, I don’t think he’s-

TRUMP: Shut up Pence.

SCHUMER: *Cue laugh track, roll credits* 

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