5/14/2018 – The Most Scapes

PENCE: Mr. President, congratulations again on moving the embassy to Jerusalem. 

TRUMP: Big day today. So great. World peace in Israel. Mission accomplished!

PENCE: I…wouldn’t use that exact terminology if I were-

TRUMP: Opening ceremony should be starting now. Turn on the news. 

PENCE: Which station?




PENCE: Just kidding sir. Turning on FOX news now. 

TRUMP: This guy. Comedian. Should put together 20 minutes on your hair. 

PENCE: I’ll…start writing some jokes sir. 

TRUMP: Do that after the ceremony. So once FOX finishes covering these brown people getting shot they should go over to the embassy story. Momentous occasion!

PENCE: I…think that IS the embassy story sir.



TRUMP: That’s a lot of bodies. 




TRUMP: Is that supposed to be on fire?  

PENCE: I’m going to go ahead and say no.

TRUMP: As long as they don’t show the…



PENCE: …crying baby. 

TRUMP: So unfair. Huge tragedy. 

PENCE: I agree sir. It can be a cruel world when a child-

TRUMP: So unfair they’re going to blame me for this. Total scapegoat. But a classy scapegoat. Just the best scapegoat, believe me. The most scapes! 

PENCE: Well I’m certain sir that you won’t be held…uh…responsible…responsible for…



TRUMP: You can’t even finish that sentence can you? 

PENCE: Sorry sir. You’re pretty much a hate magnet for everything at this point. 

TRUMP: Not a problem. Just going to blame crooked Hillary. Works for everything. PR panacea!

PENCE: Surely you can’t blame her for all of the world’s ills, sir. 

TRUMP: You. Kidding. Give me five minutes, can blame her for falling toast landing on the jelly side.  Then blame O’Bombs for making you pay twice for the toast. Drain the swamp!

PENCE: You are a piece of work sir. 

TRUMP: Piece of work making works of peace. 

PENCE: That was…kind of poetic sir!

TRUMP: Throw enough brown people at bullets and I’ll have people singing kumbaya in the streets. 

PENCE: And back to reality. 

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