6/13/2018 – Natural Bringer Togetherer

POMPEO: Ok, sir. So when you shake Kim Jong Un’s hand, make contact, provide a light shake, count to 9, and then release. This way you can demonstrate to the photographers your long term commitment to peace with a prolonged physical gesture, but don’t shake too long otherwise public opinion will sway towards your need to have complete control and dominance over all others. A concluding shoulder pat is optional. 

TRUMP: Ugggh. You. So worried. Almost Pencian in your concern. Didn’t you see how I handled those folks at the G7 summit? 

POMPEO: I did. That’s why I’m talking to you about this. 

TRUMP: Trump diplomacy best diplomacy, believe me. Natural bringer togetherer! 

POMPEO: He’s here sir. Now remember the photographers are already clicking so make sure 9 seconds. 

TRUMP: Out of the way. You. Kim. Crazy haired maniac. So good. Almost the best. Trump best is best best, believe me. High five. 

POMPEO: Looks like I’m working overtime. 

KIM: You. Trump. Crazy haired maniac.  So good. Almost the best. Kim best is best best, believe me. High five. 

POMPEO: I should have expected this. 

TRUMP: First things first. You. Lots of respect for being totally in control. Can fire anyone you want. Any time. Can respect!

KIM: You. Trump. Mad props for complete domination. Can shoot or send anyone you want to labor camp. So good. Just the best believe me. Natural leader!

TRUMP: You. Need to chart new path. Can’t have communist China tell you what to do. Be independent!

KIM: Putin called. Says he has new things he wants you to do! Must obey!

POMPEO: Well this is getting slightly apocalyptic. 

TRUMP: Ha! Sick burn!

KIM: Let’s do the Yo Mama jokes next!

POMPEO: I see literally no way how this can lead to a safer planet. 

TRUMP: You. Kim. No more nukes. 

KIM: Sure. No biggie. Will provide full denuclearization. As long as you stop playing army with the Southies.

TRUMP: Can do. Can do. 

POMPEO: Wha? How…how the hell is this working? There is no logical explanation for-

TRUMP: Hey where’s our interpreter? 

RODMAN: ‘sup yo. 


RODMAN: Who’s the man, baby? 

TRUMP: I am. So good. 

KIM: Me too. So manly. 

RODMAN: Three manly dudes. Just the best. 

TRUMP: Just the best. So good. 

KIM: So good. Believe me. 

POMPEO: Strangely this may be the least shocking explanation. 

RODMAN: Who’s up for ice cream and insane hair care secrets? 

TRUMP: All in. Rocky road. 

KIM: Let’s do this. Almond nut. 

POMPEO: …whelp, if crazy is the only thing that’s going to work, then sign me up for a head injury, I guess. 

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